In an era where artificial intelligence can draft the perfect email or prepare an empathetic speech, Vanessa Van Edwards, human behavior expert and founder of Science of People, argues that genuine human connection is becoming rarer and more valuable than ever. Discussing her new book 'Conversation', she notes that while AI can provide a flawless presentation, it cannot offer true presence.
From 'Dreamkilling' to 'Dreambuilding'
Van Edwards shares a critical lesson from her own journey as a CEO. As a researcher, she tended to immediately spot problems in every new idea—a habit she calls 'dreamkilling'. As she explains, the most competent leaders often stifle their teams' momentum out of excessive logic and a desire for optimization.
- Dreambuilding: The phase of curiosity where ideas are supported before they are judged.
- Dreamkilling: The subsequent phase of scrutiny and data.
"Ideas in their early stages don't need criticism; they need curiosity. Support must precede strategy."
The Competence and Busyness Trap
One of the most interesting findings of her research concerns the relationship between warmth and competence. Many professionals try to appear constantly busy to emphasize their importance. However, research shows that constant 'overwhelm' makes us appear less likable and, paradoxically, less competent. Warmth is not a reward for competence, but the conduit through which competence is perceived by others.
What AI Cannot Scale
According to Van Edwards, AI can automate phrasing but not attention. The ability to remember a personal detail from a previous conversation is now the 'proof' that we truly listened. Furthermore, she highlights 'awe'—the willingness to be genuinely impressed by someone else—as the trait that will define leaders in the next decade.
The cost of poor communication is often invisible but real. It manifests as ideas never spoken and teams silently disconnecting, paying the 'invoice' of alienation in installments.
